


not so unbreakable

by onthelasttrain



Category: Ben 10 Series
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: the creature from beyond, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, also references to underage sex, trigger warning for mention of depression and implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23287003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthelasttrain/pseuds/onthelasttrain
Summary: After the Lucubra takes her over, Gwen is left shaken and disturbed. Kevin, like always, is there.
Relationships: Kevin Levin/Gwen Tennyson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	not so unbreakable

**Author's Note:**

> You ever just not want to adult so bad you get feels for your childhood otp that as a guilty pleasure even then and so you write fic just to ignore everything? Yeah.

Most days, Gwen lives for the stolen moments between her and Kevin when Ben is out of the car. The headlights shining on the dark city road, her and Kevin's hands joined between the seats, silent, promising looks between them as he deliberately takes his foot off the accelerator just a little, just enough to slow them down and give them enough time to keep being with each other. If she's far enough from her curfew, then there's nothing stopping them from pulling into a gas station and her unbuckling her seatbelt and sliding into his seat; her legs straddling his as they become a symphony of clashing tongues and teeth, breathless pleas and wandering hands, soft "I love you"s and teasing "I know"s. If she didn't have those stolen moments with him, she think she'd go insane.

Not tonight though.

Tonight Ben gets out of the car with a cautious glance at her and a silent communication between him and Kevin. She knows that look. She groans at that look. The look that says "take care of her" even though if she wanted to she could be more powerful than the two of them combined. She's seen that look on her grandpa, also funnily enough, directed at Kevin. She supposes it comes with the territory of being the only granddaughter Max really speaks to, given that Sunny isn't an option. Doesn't mean it doesn't get on her nerves.

She shifts in her seat, but all that does is send a shock of pain straight to her head. It's a change from the dull throbbing, but she can't say it's a welcome one. She honestly can't tell which is worse. She whimpers against her own will and presses her hand to her head, white hot pain reaching all corners of her brain and making her shudder. She's vaguely aware of Kevin calling her name and the car coming to a halt but she can't focus on anything other than the pain and how much she wants it to stop. She digs her fingers into her scalp, wanting to claw right through it and rip her brain right out, just through it on the street and let it rot there.

She's not sure how much time has passed when it starts to fade but when she comes back to herself, Kevin's arms are around her, her head buried in his chest and tucked under his chin, his hand rubbing circles on her back. She groans weakly and rubs her cheek against his chest to let him know she's back with him.

"Are you okay?" he asks, kissing her head gently.

"I-" she manages to choke out. Her tongue feels heavy in her mouth, her throat tight. Words aren't really possible right now. She nods against him, wincing as invisible needles poke through her head.

He moves her back into the passenger seat, pushing her hair away from her sweaty forehead. She looks out the front window and squints at the neon light of a gas station.

"You look awful," he says, his dark eyes wide and fixed on her face.

"Love you too, Kevin," she says weakly. He huffs a laugh, but it's empty and distracted. He reaches into the glove compartment and lifts out his wallet.

"I'm going to go get you some stuff," he tells her, nodding in the direction of the gas station. "Anything in particular you need?"

A new brain is what she thinks. She shakes her head instead, groaning at the persisting pain.

"How about some painkillers?" he suggests. "And some water. And food. Actual food. Or as close to actual food as you can get in a gas station?" She smiles, especially at the suggestion of real food. She suddenly becomes aware of just how empty her stomach feels. "Gwen? Gwen, blink once for yes, twice for no." She looks at him, slowly realising in her foggy mind that she hadn't responded in the slightest.

"Yeah," she manages, shivering in her sweater. Kevin bites his lip before leaning into the back of the car and rooting around before fishing out a heavy black coat.

"Here." He helps put the coat over her and she smiles gratefully, pulling her legs up to her chest and curling tightly in on herself. He kisses her temple quickly, giving her another once over before he moves to get out of the car.

"Kevin?" she asks just as he gets out. He turns and leans on the car, trying and failing to hide his worry with an easy going smile. She gulps, pulling Kevin's coat tighter around her. "Can you lock the doors?" His smile fades completely, but he complies with her request, locking the doors and leaving her alone in the car. She keeps her eyes on him as he goes into the store, disappearing behind the glass door.

The parking lot is almost deserted, as it would be at this time of the night. Just three other cars sitting around, no kids running around, no people at gas pumps. The air is still and quiet, save for the light wind she can see blowing trash gently around the ground. No one else is out there, at least no one who shouldn't be. And yet the hairs on the back of her neck prick up, a cold sweat trickling down her back. Her skin crawls and she feels her breath getting shorter. Every nerve in her body stands on edge, a feeling she's grown used to over the course of her life, particularly the last few years. She's learned to start living her life on edge, to expect the worst, but she's only felt like this in the heat of a battle or a mission. Feeling like her back is an open space for an alien to pounce on. She can feel the phantom claws of some creature digging into her skin, slithering around her neck and covering her mouth so she can't scream. Her heart starts racing as she feels tentacles attacking her head, slithering past all her defences and attaching themselves to her brain, while she sits helplessly in the middle, powerless to losing herself. Her hand slaps against something cold and her other hand wraps around something else. She can't see, she realises with panic. Her chest grows tighter, the world melting away into an unintelligible muddle of grey and black. Her arms are heavy and cold and she feels herself shivering painfully.

"Gwen?" someone says to her, the voice distorted and faint. "Gwen, come back to me." She wants to tell whoever it is that she's trying, but it comes out as a pained whimper. Her body presses against something, something warm and would probably be comfortable if it weren't for the numbing cold feeling on her chest. "I'm going to hold you, is that okay?" She must have said yes, because she feels something wrap around her shoulders, and squeeze gently. "Okay, just copy me. Just take a big deep breath for me okay? You can do it, come on." She copies the breaths she feels next to her, listening to the voice counting in for eight and out for eight and slowly everything comes back. The world comes back into focus, the tears in her eyes still blurring it slightly. She becomes more aware of her own body, of the seat underneath her and the window under her hand. Her breathing evens out and the cold feeling that had been pressing down on her chest fades. She still feels phantom arms holding her back, but they're just phantoms and she can move.

When she looks up, she sees Kevin's wide eyes. He gives her a smile and pushes her hair back, his palm against her clammy cheek.

"Are you okay?" he asks. His voice is shaking and she wishes she could apologise for what she just put him through. She imagines him coming in and seeing the state she was in, crying and screaming at nothing. Instead she just shakes her head, her throat still tight. Kevin pulls her tightly against him, kissing the top of her. She melts into the embrace, wrapping one of her weak arms around him. He's real. He's real and holding her and that's what matters, nothing else.

"Can you-can you stay over?" she manages to asks, wincing at her row throat.

"Of course," he murmurs into her hair. "Let me just ask my mom." Gwen sits back in the passenger seat, pulling Kevin's coat up around her and tucking her knees up, while Kevin dials his mom's phone number and puts the phone in the holder next to the steering wheel.

"Hi hon," Mrs Levin's voice answers. Gwen fights back a smile. Unlike her own mother, well-meaning but often flat, with a tired voice and sharp words, Mrs Levin somehow always managed to be warm, her voice like a soft scarf. Whenever she goes to Kevin's (which is more often than he's at hers) she can rest easy knowing she and his mom can make easy conversation, if sometimes at his expense.

"Hi, Ma," he says, glancing quickly at Gwen, his tough bad boy persona slipping away. He should know by now that he doesn't need that mask with her, not after she's held him and let him cry against her and calmed him down from panic attacks, but she doesn't mention it. "Hey, can I stay over at Gwen's tonight?"

"Um, if it's okay with her parents." Kevin sends Gwen a panicked look and she nods.

"Oh it's fine with them," he lies, crossing his fingers and holding them up for her to see. She giggles into the coat.

"Well, okay," she says. They hear her take in a deep breath on the other side of the line. "Kevin... I know you're responsible. But I also know how serious you two have gotten. And I know what it's like at your age." Gwen watches Kevin's face turn the same shade as her hair.

"Ma-"

"Kevin, I know you're old enough to know better. I'm just saying that if you feel like doing anything, I can't stop you. Just at least make sure-"

"Oh my gosh, Ma, stop!"

"All I am asking is that if you two do anything, make sure you have protection." At this point, Gwen's forehead rests on the dashboard, her chest aching from holding her laughter back.

"Ma, Gwen is in the car!" Kevin splutters. "She is in the car and you're on speaker!" The car is silent for a good five seconds, Kevin's mouth hanging open and his normally pale face an alarming shade of red.

"Well Gwen probably had the same talk from her mother."

"Bye, Ma!"

Gwen leans back in her chair, her giggles showing no sign of stopping. Ironically, she hadn't had that same talk from her mother. Her mother hadn't given her any talk except for "save yourself for marriage". Sorry to be a disappointment, she thinks. She keeps snickering into his coat, Kevin groaning about how he's never living this down. She just keeps laughing, because for now, it acts as a welcome distraction.

When they pull up outside Gwen's house, she wraps her hand around his arm. She can take care of herself, but she still doesn't want to be away from him for more than a few seconds. Even so, if her mom knew she was taking Kevin up to her room and he was staying over, she'd have Gwen under house arrest and Kevin under a restraining order. On the increasingly rare occasion they go to her place, her mom insists her bedroom door stay open. She can't blame Kevin for not liking going to her house. Especially not when her mom drops less than subtle hints about boys at her school she thinks would make a better match for her.

"Drive around the side," she tells him, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Then just meet me in my room."

"How exactly am I meant to do that?" he asks. "Pretty sure your folks won't just let me on up."

"So you're afraid of a little breaking and entering now?" He huffs a laugh and she kisses her cheekbone. "I'll be up as soon as I can. Trust me I have no intention of staying downstairs longer than I need to." He nods, a murmur of agreement escaping his lips. His hand trails down her back as she gets out of the car and steps into the chilly street. Or maybe it's just her that's cold. Behind her she hears his car peeling away from the kerb and around the side of her street and she's alone on the pavement. The nauseous feeling from earlier is back, the unsettling feeling of something slithering around her shoulders.

She runs into the house, closing the door tightly behind her.

"Hi Gwenny," her mother greets in her normal, flat voice, barely looking up from her magazine. "How was your day?”

_Oh you know, your basic possessed by a centuries old alien demon that nearly ate my brain, how was yours?_

"Fine," is what she says instead, going over to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. She takes two cookies out as well, slipping one into her pocket and hoping it doesn't get too mangled in there.

"You okay hon?" her dad asks, just before she reaches the stairs. Her whole body sags against the railing despite her best effort to stay upright. Her best effort manages a weak smile that barely reaches her eyes.

"Just tired," she explains. "Long day."

"Okay," her dad says, clearly unconvinced. She wonders briefly if he saw Max coming home from missions like this and if Max ever fed the same "I'm just tired" story to him. "Go lay down, kiddo."

She doesn't need to be told twice. Despite her aching legs, she takes the stairs two at a time, gripping the banister so tightly it turns her knuckles white.

When she comes into her room Kevin is already there, of course, laying on her bed in a suggestive manner, wriggling his eyebrows for the full effect. She laughs and crosses over to the bed, collapsing onto it with a loud thump. Her body melts into the mattress and she sighs. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her against him, pressing firm kisses to her head. They lie on her bed in a prickly silence, his knuckles running a gentle rhythm up and down her spine until he works up the nerve to break it.

“You want to talk about it?” He kisses the top of her head again. “Or do you want to be distracted, because I can do both.” She smiles into his chest, going over his question in her mind. She wishes she had an answer. When she invited him over, she wasn’t capable of thinking about anything other than the next minute, or how open and bare she was feeling. She thinks about it and decides to opt for the one that might silence the noise in her head.

“It was in my head,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “It was in my head and it could see everything.” She balls his shirt in her fist. “Absolutely everything about me. It knew what I love and what I hate and I-” She shudders against him. “And I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” Kevin kisses her head, once, twice, three times, letting her know he’s here, she’s safe. “It used me, Kev. You don’t even know how disgusting that was.”

“I know, I know,” he whispers into her hair. “Gwen I am so, so sorry that happened to you.” She rubs her cheek against the fabric of his shirt, clinging ever tighter to him like he’ll fade away if she doesn’t hold him close enough. There’s something else though, something that simmers in her mind and causes bile to crawl up her throat. An image in her mind that makes her skin crawl. Something more terrible than it killing her.

“It-it was going to make me hurt you,” she whispers. Her body trembles against him, his shirt balled so tightly in her fist her knuckles turn white. “It was going to use me to hurt you or hurt Ben and I couldn’t stop it and I-”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey,” he says softly, his touch firm as he strokes her spine. “It’s okay, it’s okay I’m right here. I’m fine, Ben’s fine, we’re both fine.” He kisses her head softly and wraps both arms around her. “It’s fine. You’re okay. I’m right here, I’ve got you.” Tears leak out of her eyes and wet the front of his shirt.

“If I had hurt you… I don’t know how I’d have lived with myself,” she confesses, her voice barely there, so faint she half-wonders if she really said it.

“Okay, come here.” Kevin pushes himself up into a sitting position and pulls her to the same, pushing her hair away from her red eyes and cupping her face in his hand. “We agreed. Nothing we do while possessed or…or not in the right mind matters. Not to us.”

He winces as he says it. She understands, of course. Those months after he… lost himself were rough. Really rough. He kept away from her. Pulling away from his mom. Week after week after week of nightmares and sleepless nights and her hands shaking when she dialled his number, holding her breath until he answered. Even now, even with regular therapy, he’s still not made peace with it. It might be a testament to how far he’s come since they were kids but that doesn’t make it any harder on either of them to watch him fall apart like that.

“Besides,” he adds, kissing her cheek. “You’d never hurt me.” He touches his forehead to hers, rubbing their noses together gently. At least that makes you smile. “Okay?”

“Okay,” she whispers. It’s not, at least it won’t be tomorrow, but she’ll say it for him. In any case, he makes it halfway there.

“Come on.” He rubs his hands up and down her arms. “Let’s get you into something a little more comfortable.

“Down boy,” she teases.

It’s nothing short of heavenly when she pulls her tights and sweater off and discards her shirt in favour of loose pyjama pants and a matching top. Kevin makes a show of decency by turning around as she changes, even if they both know he’s seen more of her. It’s cute.

“Someone’s getting presumptuous,” she jokes as he pulls his shirt off. He chuckles as he climbs into the bed beside her, letting her position herself any way she wanted. Head on his shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waist. He has one arm wrapped around her waist and the other around her shoulders, his fingers delicately stroking her bare skin. Despite the comfort his touch brings, anxiety still prickles at her skin and the sting of bile hangs at the back of her throat. She pulls the duvet further up and around her, trying to find her way to feeling safe. He makes it easier. He doesn’t just fight the monsters in front of her, he fights the ones in her brain too.

“I love you,” she whispers, pressing kitten kisses to his bare chest. Before him, she thought it was ridiculous, that people proclaimed themselves in love while still in their teens. It’s why she scoffed at those romance movies her friends adore. And while the movies are still a little too much for her taste, she gets it. She gets it, and it’s all because of him.

“I love you too,” he replies softly as her eyes slowly close. “Always.”

She doesn’t sleep soundly, but every time she bolts awake, she finds him still beside her, and it keeps her sane.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) Please leave comments and kudos to feed my ego (and muse)  
> And keep safe, well and sensible during these confusing, scary times


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